The Search

I am lost and am now searching for an existence; the sole purpose of my living. Deep within myself, within the barriers of my own mind and heart, finding something which is neither lost, nor found. And the deeper I go into myself searching for a rhythm, I find silence, silence of hundred year. Silence which lasts a hundred years, and which will probably last hundred more years.

Whats the purpose of my existence when the rhythm of life is missing. Did I search the right corridors? They have to be somewhere here, where did I miss them? They would'nt have gone far... When did I lose it? Where did I lose it? I just don't find them. Is this a treasure hunt, where the winner gets himself back? But where is the competition, whom am I competiting against? Against myself or against a Supreme Power? Sounds good, but what decides that I have found the treasure, the silence of hundreds of years? There is no finish line, no X mark which marks the place saying, 'Yes you have won'. Also, will a screen pop up in front of me saying "BUSTED" as in RoadRash or 'GameOver' as in a videogame? Or will just be a curtain which will draw itself saying 'Thank You for you're co operation'. But even if a screen pops up will I have my physical existence or will it all be lost to ashes? Does any of this have a meaning?

Vanraj in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam

Talking of a movie that released nine years ago is stupidity, and even more stupid is seeing the movie to put up a blog. But since the movie is Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam and this is my blog bear on.

No, I am not here to talk of 'How good the songs and dances were?', 'Salman acted the best back then', 'Aishwarya looked apt in the movie though she required a hair straightner' or 'How awww is the work of Sanjay Leela Bansali' or other things like Cinematography which I quite dont follow myself. So whats left? Ajay Devgan as Vanraj...

His role is definitely not a cameo and is excellent in scripting. Silent, calm, possessed, not-romantic and twenty more adjectives to go for the character. Vanraj falls in love with Nandini and gets married to her. Post marriage he comes to know that she loves Samir and refuses to get-over him. Moreover he honeymoons in Italy just to find his wife's ex-lover.

Who would go in a never land to find someone he does not wish to find, with a ready-to-burst Nandini. If he finds Samir he loses Nandini the woman he loves and if he does'nt find him he loses Nandini anyway. In that regard its a brave decision to head out to Italy. Introverted that he is, he fails to express his love for Nandini and now is in a darn of a situation. It was only love for Nandini he had that he stood by her when she meets a freak of an accident.

There a point in the movie where Nandini and he become friends, and now share a rapport, and everyyime he repeats, 'Kya mein tumhe kuch kah sakta hoon,... choddo kuch nahi'. It enligthens his character 10 folds. He keeps his love in himself and refuses to let out his feelings, you do emphathize with him. The pre climax of the movie, if you remember, has Vanraj meeting with Samir, without he realizing that he is that person he has been searching for. They dream sing and dance the KantaBen song. Avoid. Come to the next scene you have Vanraj and Nandini at a Italian biastro. Vanraj gets drunk and does a tap dance. Here again, you feel for Vanraj. At every point, his body language, his eyes speak of a undying love and a sense of tortured within them. In the last scene of the movie, if you remember Nandini goes for Vanraj and not Samir. In my opinion there was no competition. Its always better to go for a person who loves than go for the person you love. Cause you can love spark a love for others in yourself but its difficult to make the person you love, forget someone else and make them love you.

Arguable.